I feel like I would be so much better now at mothering small children.
It only took more than twenty years of parenting experience. For one thing, I now have the vivid
realization that parenting is so much more about learning than teaching. Much
of what I now know, I only learned because I did it wrong! For another thing, I see how truly fast it
all goes. All those sleepless nights,
the interminable days of messy bedrooms and capless toothpaste tubes really do
pass in a flash.
Now, I’m about to get my first grandchild. I have all of this joy and eagerness and fear
and regret and sorrow and resignation all bouncing around inside of me. I want my daughter’s experience to be so much
easier and less stressful than mine. I
feel this urgency to help it be so, but also this sense of knowing that she will have to
do her own learning. My daughter is
becoming an incredible woman. She has
made painful mistakes and is doing her best to make amends. She
suffered terrible things no kid should have had to. She has endured. In and of itself, that is an accomplishment,
but more than just surviving, she’s turned the corner to flourishing. I could not be more proud of her. I could not be more anxious for her to feel
successful at mothering.
I’ve made so many mistakes myself as a mom, and I’m sure I’m
going to make more. Yet, my children
have survived in spite of me, and I’m very proud of the people they are
becoming. After all the missteps and mistakes,
there are at least a few things thing I can be confident of as I near the end
of this season—I have loved being a mother.
I adored my kids and still do. I
did the best I could, and it is enough.
Here’s what meager advice I have to offer:
1.
Give yourself room to grow. You have no idea what you’re doing. None of us did. Neither do your Facebooking, Instagramming
friends, so don’t get sucked into the illusion.
It’s not a competition! You’ll
screw up and make mistakes. He’ll be
fine. You’ll do your best, and it will
be enough. God loves him infinitely more
than even you can. The Lord will bless
your parenting successes and redeem your failures to shape your son into the
man He wants him to be.
2.
Teach him to sleep in his own bed as early as
possible. Trust me on this. I know you, and you need your sleep!
3.
Pick your battles. If it won’t matter when he’s grown, it
probably doesn’t matter now. A hug and
an “I love you” will solve many of your discipline problems, so try that
first.
4.
Use a lingerie bag to keep his sox together.
Teach him from birth to put his sox
in there the minute he takes them off his feet.
I’m dead serious.
5.
Apologize to him when you’ve been wrong. Be
honest. It will teach him to be kind and
responsible.
6.
Start out organized and stay that way. You’ll thank me later if you make this a
habit now.
7.
Let him learn.
He needs to fall down, to cry, to yearn for things he doesn’t have, and
to experience failure, loss, and regret.
He needs to hurt, sometimes. It
will break your heart, but it’s necessary.
He has to learn his own lessons, and often it will be the hard way.
8.
Be patient.
The only solution for the “terrible twos” is turning three… until he
gets hormones. Then it’s the “terrible
twos” on steroids. He’s going turn into
a crazy beast you won’t recognize as a teenager. He’ll be back. Just
hang on to your sanity and wait it out.
9.
Nobody knows more than you what is best for your
kid. Not even your mom. (I’m only going to admit that once!) Be careful of who you let into his life, and
always trust your own instincts.
10.
Love him and enjoy him. Read to him.
Talk to him. Pray with him. Laugh with him. Everything else can wait. That bears repeating. Everything
else can wait.
