This Is The House That Redlining Built

A Modern Nursery Rhyme by Mother Becky














This is the house that redlining built.

This is the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

These are the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

These are the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water

That came to the house that redlining built.

This is the racism,

That made the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

This is the fear with the media horn
That fed the racism

That made the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

This is the power, ugly and strong

That spread the fear with the media horn
That fed the racism
That made the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

These are the men, corrupt and wrong

That held all the power, ugly and strong
That spread the fear with the media horn
That fed the racism
That made the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

This is the money

That moved the men, corrupt and wrong
That held all the power, ugly and strong
That spread the fear with the media horn
That fed the racism
That made the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

These are the lies

That made all the money
That moved the men, corrupt and wrong
That held all the power
That spread the fear with the media horn
That fed the racism
That made the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.

This is the country reaping discord

That sowed the lies
That made all the money
That moved the men, corrupt and wrong
That held all the power
That spread the fear with the media horn
That fed the racism
That made the laws
That hated the people
That drank the water
That came to the house that redlining built.



Photo:  http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-echochambers-27260073

What's A Mom To Do?

This morning I was running late.  (What’s new, right?)  I probably could have made it in time, if I bypassed the school parking lot morning mayhem and dropped him off at a more convenient spot four blocks away.  I briefly wished I could do it.  You may ask, why couldn’t I?  He’s 13 and a really responsible kid, so he is certainly capable of walking a few blocks unsupervised.  You know the one; he’s the athlete and honor student we all congratulated last week for winning a bunch of academic awards.  So why didn’t I even consider doing it? Well, I can’t bring myself to do that because to some people, my kid isn’t an honor student with a bright future.  To them, he’s just SCARY BLACK MAN.  I know this to be true because of experiences we have already had, where he has been targeted merely because of the color of his skin.  He has already, at thirteen years old, been harassed by police for walking down the street and “matching a description.”  For his own safety, he doesn’t have the freedom to do what I would have allowed my white sons to do without even thinking about it.

Did I tell him any of that? No, but should I have?  I really don’t know.  I want to teach him to expect approriate behavior from the people around him, but is that the right thing?  On one hand, if I explain to him why I don’t want him walking around amongst the general public wearing a hoodie, I’ll be accused of “teaching him to be racist.”  On the other hand, he could very predictably have bad things happen to him if I don’t teach him to be aware of how whites may perceive him.  What’s a mom to do?  It’s very easy to be opinionated about it all until you actually have a loved one facing the crap we don’t want to admit still happens. 

So, while you’re out there deciding who to vote for and (hopefully) deciding whether equal opportunity really exists in the USA, I hope you’ll think about kids like mine—the ones who can’t even walk down a street and be assured of safety.  I hope you’ll consider that a racist candidate endorsed by known KKK members is probably not going to be great at pursuing equity and justice for ALL of us, not just the rich, white ones of us.  I hope you’ll remember that the candidate who had a hand in making the imprisonment of black men a profit-generating enterprise may not be interested in the well-being of ALL Americans.  Myself, I voted for the candidate who has been fighting for peace and racial equity for 50 years.  Do I agree with everything he believes?  No.  Is he perfect? Of course not.  No candidate is perfect, but I think he has something to offer that may be more important than our fear of what’s going to happen with our money or our guns.

Photo:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/personal-view/6103250/Britain-needs-a-middle-class-baby-boom.html

All Y'All Made Me Unleash The Flying Monkeys

This essay has been marinating for a very long time.  I have started it on numerous occasions, then put it aside because it just wasn’t the right time.  Now, in this election season, I find myself on the cusp of a decision that causes a deep quandary for me.  This is the time.  Now is the time that people on both sides of the issue need to stop screaming at each other and listen to each other instead. In my typical fashion, I suspect I’m going to piss off people on BOTH sides.  That’s OK with me.  I doubt I will change anyone’s mind; I just hope to help start a dialogue, to increase understanding and cooperation for the good of everyone. 

I am pro-life—have been since before I even understood that people could intentionally end the life of a child before he or she can be born.  I love people.  I adore babies.  I think human lives are sacred because we are made in the image of God.  Humans have souls.  Does that mean I don’t care about other species?  No.  Does that mean I think women don’t have a right to control their own bodies? No.  It simply means I can’t think of a single reason good enough to kill any child.  It just means that while a baby is dependent upon the mother's body, the baby is a separate individual with inherent rights.  It simply means that a person’s God-given right to life starts in the womb.  It means that there are moral consequences to abortion, consequences that are damaging to women victimized by the abortion industry and to the society that allows it.  It simply means that a person is always a person regardless of his or her address. Even if a person lives inside the mother or on the wrong side of the tracks, he or she is still a miracle of God and deserving of our protection.  Obviously, I hold these beliefs because of my faith.  I don’t expect everyone to embrace them.  I do expect that every mature human being can carry on a conversation about them without being accusatory and judgmental.   

To my fellow Pro-Lifers:  Please stop judging everybody and calling them murderers.  Seriously.  Do you really think that helps?  It does not.  A Pro-Life stance must begin to mean you value all lives, respect all lives.  We seem to have a little trouble with this.  Do you value the child but hate the mother who wants the abortion?  Or the Pro-Choicer next door?  Your rhetoric might imply just that.  If you’re going to claim that you find life sacred, how about the lives of the impoverished kids that your politicians poisoned in the city of Flint?  How about the life of the most recent “thug” that just got killed in the streets without a trial by judge and jury?  How about the Muslim refugee child drowning in a boat?  Or the one we just bombed in Iraq?  What about the street kid on the other side of the wall some of us want to build?  What about the drug addict living on the streets without access to desperately-needed health care?  Do those lives matter less than the one tucked inside a mother’s body?  I don’t think so, but our social policies are telling us loud and clear that IS EXACTLY what we believe.  Those policies would not exist without the say-so of us Pro-Lifers right along with everyone else.  I can already hear the objection that we can't be Socialists who just give everything to people.  Well, I say that helping the impoverished and the refugee, providing necessities like health care and education, and feeding the hungry are not Socialist acts. They are loving my neighbor as much as I love myself. 

If I haven't already highly offended you, here’s where I’m really going to blow your mind.  I believe abortion is an important political issue.  BUT… it is not the only important issue.  Our respect for life compels us to be just as diligent in protecting quality of life.  What does that mean?  It means if we are not voting for improved access to education for all of our citizens, we are not really Pro-Life, we are Pro-Baby.  It means if we think people are deserving of only the health care they can pay for, we are Pro-Baby, not Pro-Life.  If we don’t stand up and do something when the black kid is killed in the park for having a toy gun—sorry, not Pro-Life.  If we find it acceptable to spend half of our pie on the war machine but scream about the minute sliver we spend on welfare—sorry, not Pro-Life. When we allow our congressman to earn in excess of $400,000 a year for life, but won’t pay for elderly Medicare patients’ medications while they are in the hospital—not Pro-Life. Yup, we are allowing all of that.  Look it up.  The information is there if you choose to see it.  Look, if you want credibility as an advocate for Life, you need to earn it, and it’s going to take more than that “All Lives Matter” banner on your Facebook wall. 

My Pro-Choice friends, I haven’t forgotten about you.  First of all, quit calling Pro-Lifers “Anti-Choice.”  It’s rude. You certainly don’t want Pro-Lifers running around calling you “Pro-Death.”  It’s also an inaccurate characterization.  There are almost always other “choices” besides abortion.  Abstinence, for one.  I know it’s an old-fashioned notion, but it is an option.  If a woman consents to have sex, she’s already made a choice to be responsible for her actions.  We live in a culture that wants rights without responsibility.  We want to do whatever the hell we want, whenever we want to, and then take a pill to fix it when there are problems. We want to live on Big Macs even though we know better, then sue the McDonald's when we end up fat.  It's all the same cultural problem of refusing to take responsibility for our actions.  If a woman didn’t choose to have sex… that’s a different story.  While I still don’t believe an abortion after rape or incest is really going to fix anything for the mother, I’m certainly not going to condemn her.  I’m talking about the other 98% of abortion cases.  The choice was made before the conception.  You know it; I know it. 

And speaking of conception, can we be truthful about what is being aborted?  Using the clinical term “fetus” doesn’t make it any less a child.  Before modern medicine, maybe we could have gotten away with debating about when life begins.  But now, we know better. An unborn child has a functioning brain and heartbeat before most women even realize they are pregnant.  If you are of the belief that it is OK to end the life of a human being with a heartbeat, then say so.  Do not hide behind euphemisms like “tissue” and “fetus” in a disingenuous effort to make it seem less barbaric.

Now that I have pissed you off thoroughly, I am going to ask you tough questions, but first, I am going to make a couple of disclaimers.  I already know that women of all races get abortions.  I already know that Planned Parenthood provides other needed health care services to women.  Secondly, I am going to present you with the truth that present day abortion laws and the organization Planned Parenthood find their roots in the US eugenics movement prior to WWII.  Eugenics is the selective breeding of human beings for the sole purpose of eliminating genetic “imperfections” such as poverty, mental illness, and “undesirable” racial identity.  Hitler was highly influenced by these practices and viewed his Final Solution as a natural extension of them.  You don’t have to take my word on any of this.  It is easy to find the information.  Now, here are my questions.  Is it at all possible that modern day abortion practices are fulfilling the racist, classist mission of the eugenicists, just as they were intended to do?  Is it possible that by defending a woman's right to choose, we are undermining our own intent to dismantle a corrupt system which targets the poor and the minority?

I find it entirely possible, even likely.  Especially when I consider that we are willing to restrict access to health care on the basis of who can pay for it, yet we will find a Planned Parenthood providing reproductive services and health care for women in most “urban” areas of the US.  We can’t afford health care for everyone.  Yet we can afford to plop abortion facilities in the middle of communities with the least number of white citizens and give an affordable abortion to whoever wants one.  I find it to be a really unbelievable coincidence.  Instead, why can’t we just make it possible for every woman to go to a doctor in an actual health care facility for screenings, contraception, and prenatal care?  The answer is, we could... if we wanted to do so.  If you’re reading my blog, you’re obviously a smart person.  Do the math, so to speak. 

Why is now the right time to talk about this?  Because we have an election coming up. Because the decision of who to vote for is harder than ever.  Because people seem to have left reason completely behind.  Because if we are all, Pro-Life or Pro-Choice alike, voting solely based on a candidate's supposed abortion stance, we are making some scary decisions.  Just think about it.  That's all I ask.

What If?

http://theabundantwife.com/toddler-tuesday-hammer-time/

I’ve been thinking  about what our country would look like if we all did our jobs the way our police officers have been trained to do theirs.  I’m imagining my amazing friend, Erin, who runs a day care.  I’m sure many times every day, she has to respond to one of her citizens who won’t put the toy hammer down to sit quietly and listen to story time.  Would the appropriate response be for her to gather all of her staff so that they could arm themselves and surround the little citizen?  Would that conflict best be managed by barking orders, and then beating him up if he did not obey?”

I’m remembering how it is sometimes difficult to get the busy surgeons to respond to my phone calls when I need to clarify an order.  It is frustrating to bear the responsibility of simultaneously protecting the patient’s safety and efficiently treating them without the information I need from the prescribing physician.  In fact, sometimes I even feel disrespected.  I could solve my problem by enlisting some of my colleagues to go with me and barge into the OR.  We could then pin the doctor in a choke hold on the floor until he either died of a crushed windpipe or managed to squeak out an answer to my question.

I am wondering what would happen if you went to the hair salon and ignored the polite sign to refrain from using a cell phone.  (Because that never happens, right?)  What if, after repeated requests to either put away the phone or leave, you still refused?  Would the hair stylist then be justified in full-body tackling you, flipping your chair over, and throwing you across the floor?

How about if I’m walking down the hall of the hospital and happen upon one of the staff from Employee Health, who realizes I am non-compliant with TB testing? Maybe I turn around to run the other direction after she confronts me, making her give chase.  Is she then OK to pull out her duly registered concealed weapon, shoot me in the back, and kill me?  I mean, an employee running around the hospital with potential TB is a danger to patients, right?

Obviously, all of these scenarios are completely absurd.  (At least I hope it is obvious to you. If not, we have bigger problem than even I realized.)  It would simply be unacceptable to escalate every problematic situation we encounter because we are allowing ourselves to overreact to our own bias.  Why then, are any of us willing to accept the same conflict management strategies from our police?  Especially when those strategies make an already dangerous line of work more dangerous?  Why is escalation the default response to so many situations involving a non-white citizen?  It does not make any damn sense.  

The killing of Tamir Rice affords us another sick and tragic example.  It was the police department, itself which escalated a non-violent situation into a murder. First, all the pertinent facts reported to dispatch, such as that it was a kid with probably a toy gun, were not passed along to the responding officers.  Not Tamir's fault.  Secondly, the responding officers created the perception of danger to themselves, all by themselves.  It was an escalation to pull the squad car so close to the scene that the cops felt endangered.  Why on earth did they not remain at a more reasonable distance in order to assess the situation for, oh I don't know, any amount of time longer than two seconds?  It was not Tamir's fault that the cops swooped in already planning to kill.  Those cops left room for absolutely no other outcome than  a death. And when I learned they did not even try to administer aid to a dying twelve year old child...

Predictably, the police in Cleveland are closing ranks to allow these incidents to continue. After the decision was announced not to indict Tamir's killers, Anthony Hawkins of the Cleveland Browns peacefully protested by wearing a shirt printed with "Justice for Tamir Rice and John Crawford III.”  According to several news sources, Jeff Follmer, president of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen’s Association responded by saying,

“It’s pretty pathetic when athletes think they know the law. They should stick to what they know best on the field.” 

What appalling arrogance.  Appalling, yet not surprising.  This is exactly the kind of blatant disregard for citizens that we in the United States find unacceptable from “officers of the law.” What a ridiculous notion that that regular citizens are not capable of understanding the law. Does Follmer think all athletes are stupid, or just the black ones? Why would he think we citizens have no right to express opinion or belief about the laws that govern our lives?  It also apparently escaped his notice that Mr. Hawkins was not even commenting on the law; he was calling for justice. The two concepts are very widely separated in this country, especially for minorities. Justice was in no way served for Tamir Rice or his grieving family.

Mr. Follmer, I am neither a legal scholar nor an athlete, but let me assure you I recognize a corrupt system and a miscarriage of justice when I see them. I stand with Andrew Hawkins when he said, 

"I was taught that justice is a right that every American should have. Also justice should be the goal of every American. I think that’s what makes this country. To me, justice means the innocent should be found innocent. It means that those who do wrong should get their due punishment. Ultimately, it means fair treatment. So a call for justice shouldn’t offend or disrespect anybody. A call for justice shouldn’t warrant an apology."

A call for justice does NOT offend or disrespect. A call for justice does NOT warrant an apology. The very fact that Follmer would dare to disagree confirms he either has a fundamental misunderstanding of the concept or that he believes police are not bound by it.  Excessive violence does not make the police officers safer.  It doesn’t make anyone safer.  It’s time to try something smarter.  It’s time for all of us to stand up and demand better.  

Stuck Inside A Well

In October of 1987 an adorable, sandy-haired toddler fell into a hole in Midland, Texas.  She stayed there for 58 hours, while America held its breath.  Baby Jessica was America’s baby; “Everybody’s Baby” is what the media called her.   For three days, we all watched and prayed and waited, desperately hoping she could be saved.  No one blamed her for messing around with an old well.  No one questioned if we should help because “where were her parents?”  We all just wanted her to be ok.  And she was.

Almost thirty years later, we have millions of America’s kids stuck inside a well, and many of them die in there.  Inside this hole, they are judged more harshly than others.  In this well, they are considered dangerous adults.  They are disciplined more severely than others.  The kids in this well can be denied opportunities.  The children stuck in this hole can’t necessarily count on the same quality of education or medical treatment.  They can’t freely walk the streets or safely play in a park.  This well is a very treacherous place for the children inside because we have deemed them dispensable.  We have decided their lives don’t really matter.  We have decided it is OK to deny them a future.  We have decided it’s better to kill them than to “risk” saving them.

We can live with ourselves for leaving them there because we blame them for their own situation:

“If they wouldn’t have [fill in the blank] they wouldn’t be in there in the first place.”  “If they would just stop [fill in the blank] they would be able to climb out of there.” 

“Their parents should have [fill in the blank] or should not have [fill in the blank.]  That’s why they’re in there.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to get them out of the well; how will they learn to be responsible for their own actions?” 

When we blame the children inside the well for being stuck in a hole, we can conveniently forget how they got there.  We can deny the truth that we put them in that well.  Historically, our society benefited by trapping them in there.  Now that they are in so deep, we are too selfish to admit the truth.  We are too lazy to get them out.  It’s just too damn easy to pretend the well doesn’t exist or to convince ourselves that they belong in there.    

Do you recognize the hole I’m referring to?  If you’re an African American, I bet this well is all too familiar.  I bet you've fought to stay out of there your whole life.  If you are white, you probably have a hard time believing the hole is really even there.  You have never seen inside it, in all likelihood.  What is the well called?  Its name is Systemic Racism.   What pushed the children into it?  It is called Racial Bias, which is the same thing that is fighting to keep them there. 

Why can’t these kids be “Everybody’s Kids”?  Wouldn’t our whole nation be stronger if we were all safe?  Wouldn’t we all benefit if every kid had the opportunity to live up to his or her full potential, if they all survived to do so?  It’s time to clear out that well of racism and seal it up.  Enough is enough. 

The cap which now seals off Baby Jessica’s well  

https://www.google.com/search?q=baby+jessica+well&safe=active&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwih9bKa54PKAhWKHD4KHUVRBJYQ_AUIBygB&biw=

1016&bih=833#safe=active&tbm=isch&q=baby+jessica+well+cover&imgrc=HxLX21Js1ONPRM%3A

Indignation and a Can of Tuna

You may have noticed I have a particular concern about social justice in general and race relations in particular.  Not long ago, my family had a disappointing encounter with the local police department.  I’ve mentioned it in other posts, and addressed, at length, my feelings about what occurred, why it happened, and the strategy used by the officers.  This post isn’t really about that.  This story is me and my life in a nutshell.  Forty percent tragedy, forty percent comedy, and ten percent sheer absurdity!  This stuff just never happens to normal people!  (Footnote: someone smarter than me pointed put that my numbers only add up to 90%.  The other 10% is to keep you guessing!) 

I was on my way home from grocery shopping one early evening.  I was tired and cranky as hell.  I called my husband’s phone to have him get everybody outside to help me unload when I got there, but he didn’t answer.  Not necessarily weird.  As I got closer to home, I barely noticed there was a hoorahrah happening across the street, a couple of doors down from our house.  I’m sad to say, it’s not a rare occurrence in my part of town, and it doesn’t even mean something exciting is happening.   It just means that the police have encountered a black person.  So, I ignored it completely, and I pulled into the driveway.

I blared the horn to alert the fam I was home and started gathering up stuff to take into the house, when I noticed something odd.  “Why is the side door standing wide open like someone fled the house in a panic?”  As the light bulb goes on in my head, I slowly turned around to take another look at the circus across the street.  Sure enough, there was my kid, surrounded by cops and a crowd.  My first thought was fear that someone had gotten hit by a car or something.  Nope.   “Oh sweet Jesus! What did those dumbasses do now?” is what I thought next, because you know that teenage boys are not always the best decision-makers.  So, I headed across the street to see what the heck was happening, and I called my son’s name.  One of the officers whirled around, and I heard my husband tell him who I was.  I was instantly on guard when I saw how upset my son was. 

As I got more information about what was going on, I started getting mad.  I asked, “It takes three cops to question one 8^th grader?”  I found myself glaring indignantly at the officer.  Just then, I sort of became aware of myself.  I realized I was standing there with my big, ugly grandma purse in one hand; in the other I had… a can of TUNA.   Oh.  My.  God.  I played it off and very casually put the can in my purse, but the damage was done.  There’s really just no regaining your credibility when you have allowed yourself to look as if you’re going to assault an officer of the law with tuna fish. 

The event very quickly fizzled out after that.  I will go to my grave wondering if it was because a white person showed up, or if the officers merely wanted to get the hell out of there before they had to institutionalize the crazy tuna lady. 

Hold on tight to your sanity, and wait for it to be over!

I feel like I would be so much better now at mothering small children.  It only took more than twenty years of parenting experience.  For one thing, I now have the vivid realization that parenting is so much more about learning than teaching.  Much of what I now know, I only learned because I did it wrong!  For another thing, I see how truly fast it all goes.  All those sleepless nights, the interminable days of messy bedrooms and capless toothpaste tubes really do pass in a flash. 

Now, I’m about to get my first grandchild.  I have all of this joy and eagerness and fear and regret and sorrow and resignation all bouncing around inside of me.  I want my daughter’s experience to be so much easier and less stressful than mine.  I feel this urgency to help it be so, but also this sense of knowing that she will have to do her own learning.  My daughter is becoming an incredible woman.  She has made painful mistakes and is doing her best to make amends.   She suffered terrible things no kid should have had to.  She has endured.  In and of itself, that is an accomplishment, but more than just surviving, she’s turned the corner to flourishing.  I could not be more proud of her.  I could not be more anxious for her to feel successful at mothering. 

I’ve made so many mistakes myself as a mom, and I’m sure I’m going to make more.  Yet, my children have survived in spite of me, and I’m very proud of the people they are becoming.  After all the missteps and mistakes, there are at least a few things thing I can be confident of as I near the end of this season—I have loved being a mother.  I adored my kids and still do.  I did the best I could, and it is enough.   Here’s what meager advice I have to offer:   

1.       Give yourself room to grow.  You have no idea what you’re doing.  None of us did.  Neither do your Facebooking, Instagramming friends, so don’t get sucked into the illusion.  It’s not a competition!  You’ll screw up and make mistakes.  He’ll be fine.  You’ll do your best, and it will be enough.  God loves him infinitely more than even you can.  The Lord will bless your parenting successes and redeem your failures to shape your son into the man He wants him to be.   

2.       Teach him to sleep in his own bed as early as possible.  Trust me on this.  I know you, and you need your sleep!

3.       Pick your battles.  If it won’t matter when he’s grown, it probably doesn’t matter now.  A hug and an “I love you” will solve many of your discipline problems, so try that first. 

4.       Use a lingerie bag to keep his sox together. Teach him from birth to put his sox in there the minute he takes them off his feet.  I’m dead serious.

5.       Apologize to him when you’ve been wrong. Be honest.   It will teach him to be kind and responsible. 

6.       Start out organized and stay that way.  You’ll thank me later if you make this a habit now. 

7.       Let him learn.  He needs to fall down, to cry, to yearn for things he doesn’t have, and to experience failure, loss, and regret.  He needs to hurt, sometimes.  It will break your heart, but it’s necessary.  He has to learn his own lessons, and often it will be the hard way. 

8.       Be patient.  The only solution for the “terrible twos” is turning three… until he gets hormones.  Then it’s the “terrible twos” on steroids.  He’s going turn into a crazy beast you won’t recognize as a teenager.  He’ll be back.   Just hang on to your sanity and wait it out.  

9.       Nobody knows more than you what is best for your kid.  Not even your mom.  (I’m only going to admit that once!)  Be careful of who you let into his life, and always trust your own instincts. 

10.   Love him and enjoy him.  Read to him.  Talk to him.  Pray with him.  Laugh with him.  Everything else can wait.  That bears repeating.  Everything else can wait.